HIATUS

Summer's over, excuses for sparse updates are thin, so this blog is going on official hiatus. Oh, yeah, that's because I'm going to Amsterdam for four months. I know what you're thinking, given the context, but it's just to finish my degree. We'll resume destructive anti-social activities next year, God permitting.

In the meantime, add Hed Phuq'ers to your RSS feed in anticipation and we'll still be accepting the odd freelance submission. Happy trails.

The Fuccons: Mannequin Republic Comin' At Ya

by J. Kane

Been a while, hasn't it? Here's the Fuccons for you. Why ruin it by explaining it or ruining? The Fuccons are zen, they just are, there is no explanation.

Weekend Buzz: Issue 13: Luck Be With You

Hey there, hope your summer is going well. Enjoy your weekend with a nice mind bender and thank yourself for being normal and boring.

Weekend Buzz: Issue 12: Record Round-up

In case you need something to clog up your torrents.

Record Round-up – King Kill


Well what have we in the world of music to give a damn about lately, eh? It just so happens that a certain T. Rezzy has given us another free dose of synthy goodness. That’s right, his new album with irrelevant close friend, and wife named something I’m not looking up, under the name How to Destroy Angels.

Weekend Buzz: Issue 11: Surprises!

You never know when a Weekend Buzz is gonna strike. Even I don't. How about a lazy Saturday afternoon? Yay!

Here are some more things you may not expect, courtesy of Musov Shoko.

Blu: Transformation and Decay on the City Streets

Blu (graffiti artist active 1999 - present)
by J. Kane




Blu is as anonymous as Banksy, but instead of stencils, the Italian artist uses housepaint and roller poles to create detailed, surreal graffiti. To top that, he makes animations, right on the walls. You've probably seen 'Muto' as it made rounds thru YouToob, but his latest 'Big Bang Big Boom' takes it up a notch, especially for someone with their head in the clouds.

Weekend Buzz: Issue 10: Summer Lethargy Edition

Did you think I was dead? Ha, you wish! It's summmmmmmmmer. I'm out exploring the world, setting the desert on fire, killing what's left of my precious ear drums. You should do the same after blowing your brains out on this miscellaneous medley of weird.





Best for last: Let the couch potato tell you about wormholes.

A Guide to Fucking Up Your Friends With 'Tobacco'

Tobacco (2008-Present)
(Buy this and get addicted)
reviewed by J. Kane

Trip-o-meter: 10/10


Just like cigarettes, Tobacco is disgustingly seductive. He will pour his filth down your throat, songs like "Truck Sweat" or "Hairy Candy," and you'll like it. You'll get addicted to it's grooves. And since peer pressure is good for you, here's a compulsive guide to fucking up your stuck-up friends.

Weekend Buzz: Issue 9: Love and Theft

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this is all you'll need to get your weekend on track.






Should you need more, check out Vince Collins again.

The Fantastic Planet: Red-Eyed, Psychic, Blue People Eaters

The Fantastic Planet (La Planète Sauvage) (1973)
(go to SPAAAAACE)
reviewed by J. Kane

Trip-O-Meter: 8/10



A good sci-fi film immerses you in it's particular world, but few hold your head underwater as long as René Laloux's masterpiece, The Fantastic Planet. First off, it's a French cartoon about gigantic psychic blue people called Draags who rule a surreal, savage planet where humans (called Oms) are considered pests and routinely exterminated. Second off -- well, by now you should be gasping for air.

Girl Talk: Everything At Once

Girl Talk (2001-present)
(OMG! BUY THE SHIT OUT OF ME!)
reviewed by J. Kane


Trip-O-Meter: 8.5/10




At first Greg Gillis seems like just another queer drinking Brisk iced tea who plays a laptop because he doesn't have any friends and can't use a guitar. C'mon, his project is called 'Girl Talk.' Does it get any more lame than that, short of Owl City?
Hold up, wait a minute. It's a Trojan horse!

Weekend Buzz: Issue Ocho: The Psychedelic Qualities of the Deep

Whoever watches videos like these and then say "I'm never going swimming again," have it all wrong. It's time to deepthroat a bubbler, dive under and twist your mind around the psychedelic qualities of the deep. Go out and explore the world. Just don't get the bends coming up.

Weekend Buzz: Issue Seven: Short Films

Welcome to a new issue of Weekend Buzz. This weekend, don't play video games, don't watch TV. Go outside. Breath unrecycled air. Feel summer. Get sunburned. Pick at it. Get molested by nature.

After you bake your mind on these short films and some ungodly substance.

Surprise! Drug Policies in the UK are Retarded

Ever heard of Mephedrone? If you're from North America, probably not, but it's one of those interesting drugs you can buy online, legally. Up until last March, you could buy Mephedrone legally in the UK, but, predictably, the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs (ACMD) fucked that one up.

Mephedrone is like a magickal combination of coke and ecstasy, except it's neither, so sniffing it is was perfectly lawful. For once, somewhere, it was okay to feel alert, euphoric, excited and stimulated. And like most things "legally" sold online it was "not for human consumption" and relabeled as something bland. The same way Spice is being called incense, Mephedrone was marketed as a fertilizer.

But if you consumed it anyway, you had quite a fun time. Now it's illegal for no reason other than to say, "Fuck you. You wanna get high through your nose? Go get some suspicious looking capsules from the street corner."

A bunch of members from the ACMD resigned after this whole debacle, basically saying, "This program couldn't get any more confusing and idiotic." After the ACMD (sorta) decriminalized marijuana and then recriminalized it again, making a fertilizer illegal almost seems intelligent.People will get high one way or another, so why couldn't they do it through the mail? If something went wrong, like with the poor kid who OD'ed on Mephedrone while smoking pot (something seems fishy about that story) at least they'd have someone to sue. If a drug hurts you, you can't sue a drug dealer because then you'll get locked up for using the drug in the first place. It's like drug laws don't actually protect you!

Just remember, if you get a boner too long, you can sue Viagra, but if you overdose and flop around on the bathroom floor, you can't get any retribution from the guy who cut your coke with dish soap.

The only good that's come of this so far is that people are unable to ignore the many holes in their government's drug policies, the biggest of which is, that we need them at all.

Prozac Adventures

Do not fuck around with anti-depressants. You'll end up in a crippling tear-drenched sadness coma, curled up in a ball under your desk, one inch away from suicide. Yet, someone gave me a box of Prozac and Lithium to "sell" to kids at school. Um, yeah, anyway.

I easily could have tricked some yuppie into thinking these pills were ecstasy, but instead of selling my conscience for a fiver, I flushed them down the toilet, releasing them into the water supply. Either a lot of people are going to feel a boost like no other or I made a lot of fish very, very happy.

Bye bye, Prozac!

I also had liquid Prozac, which I applied a little "Drink Me" sticker to and left in a park. Perchance some lucky homeless man stumbled upon the bottle, took the advice and had a very different day from usual.

Holy Moses, what have I done? And how will I ever know the unjust ramifications of my actions? I don't watch broadcast news (some things really will screw up your brain beyond repair) so I'll never hear of any rampaging Prozac outbreaks. I'll just have to sit here and imagine.

Weekend Buzz: Issue Six: Dismal Dissonance Edition

Someday we're gonna give you a guide to curating you're own LSA from nature's Heavenly flower, the Morning Glory. If you're already nursing a hangover, like I am, hopefully the following will ease you into a Phuq'ed up weekend. This week's theme demonstrates the disgusting beauty of the human vocal cords.








Well, I guess at least half of this post is just mocking foreigners.

Monday Buzz: Spiky Spicy Stupid

That shit Spice crap put me in a coma for three days. I hear that shit's cancerous, too, so now I've got massive tumors growing out of my chest to worry about. Stick with what's real, folks. Nature ain't gonna kill you.

Anyways, have a nice weekend? Wait. . .

Well, it's 4:20 somewhere, watch this shit.




Educational:




Sensational:

The Weirdness: What's Weird is Iggy Is Still Alive

The Weirdness (2007)
Iggy Pop and the Stooges
(ick. some people will sell anything.)
reviewed by King Kill

Trip-O-Meter: 0/10

Iggy, it is time to go die. Unless you did already like fifteen years back. You damn well should’ve. Seriously, you look like a five-foot tall screaming foreskin. Just try owning a t-shirt. See how it works out. But I digress.

I remember when The Weirdness had just been announced. I was overwhelmed with glee that I get the rare opportunity to have part of a legendary bands legacy occur in my lifetime. I remember when it finally came out in 2007 and I stole it off the internet…. And then I remember not being able to listen to any portion of their discography for a very long while after that.

Weekend Buzz: Issue Five: Russians and Puppets

Hed Phuq'ers will resume a more updated schedule when we get around to it. For now, get fucked up on these Russian puppets and puppet Russians and enjoy your weekend.







Best for last:

Summer of Misdeeds

The Summer of my Miscreant
by King Kill

School is out for summer. The three months that follow hold a great deal of promise that will invariably give way to a sense of guilt and lethargy in August as we all look back at how we squandered our time. Well no more! It is time to create our hedphuqing summer bucket lists. We’re all going to die someday but if we’re lucky our seasonal bucket list can be the facilitator. These are not feats that we want to reflect back on proudly before we die of old age. This is the shit that’ll get us there faster. So come on everybody, post your list in the comments so it’s documented and at the beginning of the fall we’ll recollect on our successes and mourn the fallen brethren that couldn’t live up to their list.


1. Reach the summit of a 14teener.

There are so many unfortunate ramifications to being young. We won’t realize our own vitality until it has withered away. There are only so many years of my life left that I’ll be so able-bodied to even be capable of certain feats. That said, I’m going to climb some damn mountains.

2. Meander the streets of the inner city in the middle of the day with a head full of acid, making words with at least one public official.

Tripping in seclusion is all well and good but how can you terrify the locals when you’re so far from Main Street? It’s time to get freaky and freak out some suits.


3. Live in the wild without a tent or any modern convenience, living only off the land for at least one night.

We’ve lost our connection with nature but I’m certain it can be restored.


4. Attend a show or event with no intent on paying admittance. The grander the better.

We’ve all gotten special treatment for one fateful reason or another but to say, approach Cricket Pavilion with only the intention of scaling a wall or creating a diversion holds a new element of danger.


5. Join an underground society and attend a gathering. Must be subversive in some degree.

Whether it be the Freemason or the Arizona Power Exchange, I must infiltrate the organization to an extent not typically allowed OR become aware of a society that isn’t open to the public to any extent, “Anonymous” for example.


6. Scout out and infiltrate a condemned or securely private property

An old, abandoned hospital or a graveyard would do. I must enter, investigate thoroughly and either take a memento or leave a mark of some kind.

So that’s mine, let’s hear yours….